My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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