we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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