I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize