Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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