I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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