is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
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my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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