I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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