I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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