Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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