i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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