and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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