I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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