I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
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He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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