We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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