Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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