i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize