Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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