I want to make a zoo with you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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