Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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