First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
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Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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