What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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