Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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