i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize