i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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