final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
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The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
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Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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