So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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