How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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