saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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