The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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