can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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