He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Even the bartender felt bad for me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
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HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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