I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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