just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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