I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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