I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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