I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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