He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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