how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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