Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
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