And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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