don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize