At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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