i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
