you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize