i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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