Can Purell be used as lube?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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