Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
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Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize