hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize