She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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