Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
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My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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