I'm going to jail i love you
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize