pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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